I officially hate Nicholas Sparks. The Last Song is manipulative, melodramatic dross (definition: worthless or dangerous material that should be removed) that is neither entertaining nor inspiring nor meaningful nor any positive adjective. Before I even get into my rant, this sentence serves as a "spoiler" alert, because I want everybody reading this to know that I must reveal plot points to effectively show how disgustingly bad this movie is. The plot follows an ugly New York vegetarian eco-terrorist teen (Cyrus) who starts up a summer romance with an ugly volleyball playing, aquarium-volunteering mechanic (Hemsworth) while staying in Georgia over the summer with her father (Kinnear) and younger brother (Coleman). She is nothing but a moody, unlikeable brat the entire time, even after she finds out that her father is dying of cancer. She befriends a troll/ogre/ghoul (Chaikin) but is cruelly betrayed by the uggo after a ludicrous misconception concerning her sleazy pyromaniac boyfriend (Lashaway).
The writing is preposterous, the acting by the two leads could serve as an ipecac replacement, and the directing should have a black box warning for increased suicidality. There is a scene where sea turtle eggs hatch and waddle into the ocean. The movie tries to play it off as cute, but it just looks like a horde of cockroaches are infesting our waterways. There is another scene where Miley Cyrus is at the funeral for her father. Her boyfriend walks into the church (late, for some reason) and a super-bright beam of sunlight penetrates her father's stained-glass window. Then she says--out loud--"Hi, Daddy." If it sounds as if this entire review is just me spitting venom, that's because this movie needs to be dissolved in acid and removed from the world of cinema; it makes me ashamed to call myself a film lover.IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1294226/