Movie 43 (2013)

1/5

Movie 43 is an abomination of filmmaking. It is an offensive assault on the senses for 90 straight minutes. This thing--which I refuse to call a movie--is a collection of unrelated images and scenarios designed to disgust and disturb. It is the kind of thing created for reaction videos, with no inherent value. From neck testicles to cartoon cat masturbation fantasies, from parental abuse and incest to graphic leprechaun violence, from gratuitous nudity to yellowface surgery, there is no line it won't cross. I'm disappointed that so many quality actors have sullied their names by taking part in this evil transgression of cinema, this shameful plague of a thing. It makes me shudder just thinking about it. Ugh.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1333125/

The Last Song (2010)

1/5

I officially hate Nicholas Sparks. The Last Song is manipulative, melodramatic dross (definition: worthless or dangerous material that should be removed) that is neither entertaining nor inspiring nor meaningful nor any positive adjective. Before I even get into my rant, this sentence serves as a "spoiler" alert, because I want everybody reading this to know that I must reveal plot points to effectively show how disgustingly bad this movie is. The plot follows an ugly New York vegetarian eco-terrorist teen (Cyrus) who starts up a summer romance with an ugly volleyball playing, aquarium-volunteering mechanic (Hemsworth) while staying in Georgia over the summer with her father (Kinnear) and younger brother (Coleman). She is nothing but a moody, unlikeable brat the entire time, even after she finds out that her father is dying of cancer. She befriends a troll/ogre/ghoul (Chaikin) but is cruelly betrayed by the uggo after a ludicrous misconception concerning her sleazy pyromaniac boyfriend (Lashaway).

The writing is preposterous, the acting by the two leads could serve as an ipecac replacement, and the directing should have a black box warning for increased suicidality. There is a scene where sea turtle eggs hatch and waddle into the ocean. The movie tries to play it off as cute, but it just looks like a horde of cockroaches are infesting our waterways. There is another scene where Miley Cyrus is at the funeral for her father. Her boyfriend walks into the church (late, for some reason) and a super-bright beam of sunlight penetrates her father's stained-glass window. Then she says--out loud--"Hi, Daddy." If it sounds as if this entire review is just me spitting venom, that's because this movie needs to be dissolved in acid and removed from the world of cinema; it makes me ashamed to call myself a film lover.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1294226/

Ghost Town (2008)

4/5

Ghost Town was more hilarious and more touching than I thought it would be. Now, normally, the second sentence of my review consists of a short, simplified version of the plot, but even that would be giving it too much credit. Just imagine The Sixth Sense with Greg Kinnear as Bruce Willis, Ricky Gervais as Haley Joel Osment, and Téa Leoni as Liv Tyler. And now imagine it written with nonstop jokes delivered flawlessly by Ricky Gervais. Despite the hackneyed storyline, it was still able to surprise quite frequently with emotional moments and side-splitting laughs. There were also a number of quirks and details that I loved seeing, such as the misanthropic health professional and the BlackBerry addict. All in all, an exquisitely fine-tuned comedy with the requisite amount of moving romance to appeal to just about everyone.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0995039/

Stuck on You (2003)

3/5

The Farrelly brothers' Stuck on You is a surprisingly tender comedy about two conjoined twins who own the Quikee Burger fast food joint. Walt (Kinnear) wants to be an actor, while Bob (Damon) enjoys running their restaurant. They each find their true loves in Eva Mendes and Wen Yann Shih respectively, although not immediately and not without obstacles on the way. Through random events, they end up meeting both Cher and Meryl Streep, who unintentionally and unexpectedly skyrocket Walt's career. His fame causes a rift between the two brothers, but the movie ends with a happy ever after.

There were far more hilarious, clever, and subtle moments and far fewer gimmicky, simple jokes than I would've thought. The plot was remarkably unpredictable, although that was partially because most of the movie seemed to happen by chance. The characters were surprisingly nuanced and sympathetic, although they often acted in a very slapstick and over-the-top manner. All in all, I had a great time watching this movie and would definitely recommend you not change the channel if and when it comes on TV.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338466/

Baby Mama (2008)

3/5

Baby Mama is a fairly lightweight comedy that is at turns formulaic and predictable and also surprising and unexpected. It follows a successful 37-year-old barren businesswoman (Fey) and her attempts to have a child through an agency that provides her with what turns out to be an "ignorant, white-trash" surrogate (Poehler). It's fast-paced and easy to enjoy--far from a masterpiece but also far from a dud--with relatively few dead jokes and a number of laugh-out-loud moments to balance them out. I saw it because I love Tina Fey and 30 Rock, and while it's not quite at that level of perfection, it's a pleasant enough way to spend 90 minutes on a Sunday afternoon.

On the technical front, everything was average. Literally everything: writing, directing, music, acting, cinematography, editing, and anything else I'm forgetting. My favorite part of the movie was the colorful assortment of side characters, particularly Steve Martin and Sigourney Weaver as Fey's hippie dippie boss and fertile 60-year-old surrogate agent respectively. Oh, and there's also the birthing teacher with a Barbara Walters lisp. Brilliant. Feel free to go out and watch this movie if you like Tina Fey, SNL, or 30 Rock, but pass on it if you find none of those appealing.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0871426/

Invincible (2006)

3/5

There were some surprisingly well-crafted long tracking shots and well-carried out editing. Mark Wahlberg's acting was actually pretty good. It was, all in all, a pretty entertaining underdog inspirational movie. It didn't last too long and probably wasn't in violent disagreement with reality (at least when it came to football). It was what I expected from a Disney movie.

It got extremely saccharine several times and ludicrously so. These moments were not only sappy (slow motion smiling and laughing and longing looks), but also overlong. The music made it even more melodramatic sometimes, although other times it was used effectively. It seemed to end too quickly, and yet I have no idea where it would have gone afterwards without completely forgoing facts. It seemed to go in many different directions and not really understand its point, so there were a lot of loose ends left open. It ended somewhat abruptly, like this review.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0445990/

Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

4/5

I saw this movie with my mother and brother for my birthday. It is both incredibly funny and incredibly heartfelt. There are some scenes of ridiculous emotional power, punctuated by extremely hilarious situations. The movie attempts to be both true to life and laugh-out-loud funny, and it succeeds admirably. It doesn't tie up the loose ends that don't need to be tied up; this dysfunctional family has problems that can't be solved in two hours and so they're not. The ending is so unexpected yet so fulfilling that it is sure to be remembered for years to come. It had me cracking up for five minutes straight.

I thought some of the film was uneven and some of the transitions between comedy and drama were too sudden. This movie contains sad scenarios, but instead of letting the emotions fully play out, they are instead cut up (and so the effect is diminished) by comedy. Wes Anderson's movies (e.g. The Royal Tenenbaums), on the other hand, have the opposite strategy, which I think works much better. Its standard is comedy, so when it suddenly switches to tragedy, we are taken aback more so than normal; the laugh escaping our mouth is choked and held in check. Otherwise, it's an amazing movie I wholeheartedly recommend.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449059/