My Girlfriend's Boyfriend (2010)

2/5

My Girlfriend's Boyfriend is a romantic comedy about two men, Ethan (Gorham) and Troy (Landes), who are both in love with one woman (Milano). Ethan is a struggling writer, a nice guy who loves kids and cheesy dates. Troy is a successful ad executive, a less desperate nice guy who can shower her with attention and fancy gifts. The movie ends with an unexpected twist, which I won't reveal if by the slightest off-chance you're interested in seeing this movie, but that's about all it has going for it. The writing and acting are atrocious. Everything feels written and staged; nothing feels genuine. Which is also why there's no chemistry between any of the leads. And there are a lot of random events and bizarre scenarios that are never really explained. Also, the character Ethan looks a LOT like Ethan Hawke, only gawkier and uglier, and it kept distracting me. Also, the technical aspects are blah. We stopped watching halfway through, after which point I decided I would have been happy to never revisit it. I'm happy it didn't end as crappy as it began, but I wouldn't watch it again just for that twist ending.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1447793/

Buried (2010)

1/5

Buried stars Ryan Reynolds as a man in a box. That box is a coffin in the middle of Iraq. It is billed as a horror movie, but it is closer to an angry political statement that uses violence and gore to make you squeamish instead of making a point. It is set in a locale that screams politics, but ultimately the movie has nothing to say. There is no value in this movie as entertainment, art, or discussion.

For some unknown reason, this film has been getting good reviews. The worst part is that people are complimenting the technical aspects like cinematography, lighting, editing, etc. Not only were they subpar, they actually hindered the experience. Half of the movie is pitch black. I know that every aspiring director thinks hearing audio on a black screen is brilliant, but it isn't. Not in a theater when you can see everyone's heads in front of you and not on a DVD at home when you can see out a window or down a hall. Your eyes just drift to whatever is happening elsewhere and you end up ignoring the movie. The lighting--when there is any--is either uninteresting or just plain irritating. The cinematography is cramped, which I guess is a good thing because that's what they were going for, but not in a skilled way. It's just bland, like they stuck a camera in a box with a man in a box. And for some reason, people have been praising Ryan Reynolds's performance. He was adequate. He sufficiently portrayed a boring character in a unique situation.

But even bad directing and bad decision-making doesn't necessarily mean a movie deserves 1 star. So why does this one? Because it is offensive in every way. It is not a horror movie. The best ones change the way you look at the world and the worst ones at least get your sympathetics going. This just activates your area postrema like Audition. It is not a political movie because it does not have a point to make. It is merely a depraved movie. People give controversial or taboo movies the benefit of the doubt, and we assume they have a message to bring to light, but just putting it in a certain time and place does not give a meaningless movie a message.

In general, I'm not the biggest fan of one-man shows. I didn't like Castaway, which at least had some wit and charm to go with the pain. This one had bad directing, annoying cinematography, and inflammatory subject matter to go with the pain. And painful it was. Stay very far away.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1462758/

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

4/5

The Adjustment Bureau is a sort of sci-fi romance that is compelling on an emotional level and fascinating on an intellectual level. The plot follows David Norris (Damon) and Elise Sellas (Blunt) and their relationship after a chance meeting in a men's room after Norris loses his bid for senate seat. They keep running into each other and they feel a deep connection with each other as if they were meant to be together. Norris is watched by a man in a suit and fedora (Mackie) who is part of the adjustment bureau, a group of individuals whose sole purpose is to ensure that everything in our lives go according to a certain plan. Unfortunately, this plan does not include Norris and Sellas together. And so the adjustment bureau keeps trying to pull them apart while the two of them fight to be with each other.

Technically, the movie had both good and bad components that added up to something mediocre. The writing is intriguing as far as the concept is concerned, and it can generate a healthy discussion of fate vs. free will, but there are also some very obvious weak points. Some people disliked the ending for being too cheesy, but I didn't mind it so much on an initial viewing. The dialogue was especially poor, however, and everything that came out of the mouths of the people in the adjustment bureau was stale and stilted. Their acting was equally forgettable. On the other hand, Damon and Blunt were incredible. The entire premise of the movie hinges on the chemistry between the two leads--the fact that you believe that they are destined for each other--and they pull it off. They were not only believable, but also genuine, tender, and sympathetic. It would be impossible to believe they weren't in love. While the technical aspects were somewhat of a mixed bag, the emotional impact elevated this movie well above average and I highly recommend it.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1385826/

Beastly (2011)

1/5

Beastly isn't just a bad movie--it's an atrocious movie. It's worse than Twilight. The plot is loosely based on Beauty and the Beast, but takes place in a modern-day preppy New York high school. The updated setting requires some modifications to the story, and the writer decided to use all those opportunities to make it as terrible as possible. The movie takes the clichéd cocky, image-obsessed rich boy (Pettyfer) and pairs him up with the clichéd smart, hard-working loner (Hudgens). A witch (Olson) puts a spell on him to make him ugly and he has one year to find someone to love him. His dad (Krause) abandons him in a hermit home with a nanny (Hamilton) and a blind tutor (Patrick Harris) that have no purpose other than to give him trite advice.

Everything about this movie is offensively bad. The plot just doesn't make any sense. At all. It is literally impossible to suspend your disbelief for this movie. And it stacks on more plot holes and hackneyed "twists" to an already fragile foundation that make you throw your hands up in the air in exasperation. (The entire situation that forced them together is perhaps the most preposterous and aggravating part of the whole movie.) The third-grade writing combines with the weak acting to create a spectacle, and I don't mean that in a good way. It's more of a train wreck that has you rubbernecking as you pass by. It is really mind-blowing that something could be this bad. My best guess is that the dialogue is what a pre-teen imagines might sound cool and witty but is ultimately shallow and meaningless. Not only that, but the tone is inconsistent and the pacing is more painful than stop and go traffic. Is it trying to be funny, romantic, scary, emotional? Who knows? Certainly not the director.

Unfortunately, it's not all bad. And I hate saying this in my review, because that might give people some sliver of hope. But in all honesty, there are about 2 or 3 funny parts where I may have smiled and 2 or 3 lines that stood out and were probably put in by an editor or producer who was much more intelligent than the writer. That being said, avoid this movie at all costs. I don't care if you are a fan of any of the actors in this movie, it is just not worth it.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1152398/