Viridiana (1961)

1/5

Buñuel's Viridiana is poorly-made nonsense. Nun-to-be Viridiana (Pinal) is invited back to her uncle's mansion before she takes her vows before God. There, she discovers that her uncle (Rey) wants to marry her, and he enlists the aid of his maid (Lozano) to force her to stay with him. Things don't go as planned and the rest of the movie diverges from acceptable storytelling and just kind of bumbles around into chaos. The film is not really about the story at all, so I won't bother telling you any more of the plot. Suffice it to say, it's incomprehensible (in purpose) and more than a bit frustrating.

Nothing feels believable, including any supposed satire. The writing is poor. The filmmaking is poor. This is essentially a student film, complete with above-average actors made to perform stilted and staged dialogue by a pretentious director who thinks he knows better than everyone else. Buñuel's tunnel vision disdain for the church (and apparently kindness in general) borders on offensive. But more insulting than the content itself is Buñuel's use of overt imagery and obvious symbolism, because nobody could have figured out his genius strokes without having him graciously dumb it down for all us idiot audience members. If I wanted to watch a feel-bad movie where well-intentioned people are made to pay for their beneficence, I would have watched the equally terrible Au Hasard Balthazar and walked out halfway through. But who does? Avoid this movie unless you like being sledgehammered in the face with negative sentiment.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055601/

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)

3/5

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol is standard summer blockbuster fare that, like Sherlock Holmes, came out 5 months too late. The plot follows IMF Agent Ethan Hunt (Cruise) on a mission to stop a madman (Nyqvist) from starting a nuclear war. It's a movie trope we're all too familiar with, and the only thing this particular movie brings to the table is lots and lots of exciting action (and little else). It's not so much that there are plot holes, it's more that the filmmakers just didn't care about the plot. Nor did they care about the acting, as Paula Patton is clearly just a pretty face and nothing more.

Ah, but the action. The stunts on the Burj Khalifa are truly breathtaking and the chase through the sandstorm is inventive and thrilling. The climax in the motorized parking garage is truly edge-of-your-seat entertainment. But unfortunately that's about it. If you're the type of person who enjoys this kind of action and doesn't mind the nonsensical, unbelievable plot, then you will clearly enjoy it. If you were excited by the enormous number of positive reviews and thought this movie might be somehow different from every other action movie you've seen before, start rethinking. This is nothing more than a simple action movie, but at least it's a decent one at that.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1229238/

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011)

4/5

David Fincher's remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is as terrifying, gripping, and disturbing as the Swedish version. When I first heard Fincher was doing the American remake, I was ecstatic. The content and atmosphere was classic Fincher, and the extended 8-minute trailer was riveting. To say my expectations were high was an understatement: they were nigh unattainable. And, lo and behold, the movie failed to meet them.

Much of my disappointment stems from the fact that this is so similar to the Swedish version. I typically favor American remakes (such as The Departed) as they inherently bring uniquely American cultural and social viewpoints that we can better relate to, independent of the quality of the directing or the cinematic techniques. But here, I just didn't get that. It felt overly faithful to the Swedish film, to the point of zealotry, and there was very little that was new or different.

The changes that Fincher did make were fairly minimal, but had enormous impact. I was a little bit more confused by the Vanger family tree this time around (although you would think it would be less confusing having already seen it and having it in English this go around). The beginning felt extended while the ending felt rushed. And the minor variation in the ending had huge implications for Lisbeth's character that I just can't shake. I have no idea how the novel ended, but I feel that Fincher's ending broke down the entire essence and persona of the titular character. She feels like a completely different Lisbeth.

Don't get me wrong. This is an absolutely engrossing movie, made with directorial precision and technical finesse. Beautiful cinematography, phenomenal music, and stellar acting. Rooney Mara more than holds her ground against the powerhouse that was Noomi Rapace. Perhaps I just set my sights too high, and perhaps I am being much too critical of the film, but I feel like the Swedish version speaks to me more. It has its imperfections, as does this American version, but the Swedish version is the one I think of whenever I think of "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo."

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1568346/

Horrible Bosses (2011)

4/5

Horrible Bosses follows three friends who decide to kill their bosses. Nick (Bateman) has been working late nights and weekends for 8 years to earn a promotion to VP of Sales, only to have the CEO (Spacey) take on the position himself. After an unfortunate event, Kurt (Sudeikis) finds himself under the rule of his old boss's son (Farrell), a cokehead and all-around dick. Newly-engaged Dale (Day) is being sexually harassed by his sociopathic boss (Aniston). When things become too unbearable, they decide their bosses would be better off dead and bumble around in search of a hitman. They end up with Jamie Foxx, who has a hilarious moniker that I will let you discover for yourself when you watch the movie.

As far as comedies go, there is nothing particularly new or unique about this one. However, it is a solid film, filled with raunchy humor and efficient pacing. The jokes come fast and furious, delivered with precise comic timing from lovable characters. Charlie Day pretty much plays himself, which I can't get enough of, and the other two are in their usual good form. The movie breaks no new ground, and (save for one shocking death) is fairly predictable throughout, but does what it sets out to do admirably well. I laughed my way through this movie and enjoyed every moment of it; what more can I say?

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1499658/

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows (2011)

4/5

Guy Ritchie's sequel, Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows, is an entertaining action flick that fails to engage the audience in the same way that the original did. The plot centers around Professor Moriarty (Harris), who has been planting bombs in government buildings to incite fear and anarchy. Holmes (Downey Jr.) and Dr. Watson (Law) must figure out his plan and stop him before he starts a world war. The plot itself doesn't matter, however, because this is just a summer blockbuster that was released 5 months too late. Ritchie (or his screenwriter) has eliminated the complex, flawed characters from the first film and instead replaced them with hero archetypes without any unique characteristics. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and his creations are nowhere to be found in this film. Just Guy Ritchie and his eye for cool.

This is a solid action movie, exciting and enthralling, dripping with slick humor and slicker style, but there's no substance. Just like the popcorn you eat while watching, nothing on the screen satisfies. It's just empty calories that never seem to fill you up. But this is some of the best popcorn I've had this year.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1515091/

New Year's Eve (2011)

2/5

New Year's Eve is the bland, uninspired follow-up to Garry Marshall's mediocre Valentine's Day. There is no story to speak of. There are instead about a dozen trite, overused blueprints of ideas that are empty and meaningless. They are all instead vehicles for the two dozen stars to be themselves on camera and try to make money without doing any acting whatsoever. The movie over-relies on archetypes, movie tropes, and celebrity status. Lea Michele sings. Jon Bon Jovi sings. Robert De Niro plays a gruff old guy with regret. And Sofia Vergara plays a sexy lady with an accent. It's the same thing we've seen over and over again. (And Sofia Vergara was significantly funnier on Conan than in this movie.)

The best thing about this movie is the Zac Efron and Michelle Pfeiffer storyline. It had cutesy charm, much more than I expected. But even their portion of the movie lacked motivation and backstory. The other thing I liked about it is a line Josh Duhamel says (although he is in fact just quoting his dead father, and it seems to come out of nowhere): "What would you do today if you knew you wouldn't fail? Now go out and do it." Despite all the ridiculous star power in this movie, it holds no power and deserves only two stars. Avoid.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1598822/

We Bought A Zoo (2011)

3/5

Cameron Crowe's We Bought A Zoo is an upbeat, sugar-coated movie about a family that is falling apart after a recent death. Similar to The Descendants in plot, Crowe's film takes the more saccharine, family-friendly approach. Benjamin Mee (Damon) buys a new house that doubles as a zoo for his 7-year-old daughter Rosie (Jones), after being forced to move because of his son's poor behavior in school. As part of the contract for buying the property, he reopens the zoo and invests heavily, both financially and emotionally, in the animals and zookeepers (Johansson).

The problem with this film is that it's more of a performance than a realistic portrayal. Even though it was based on a true story, it feels less believable than The Descendants. This is not a fault of the acting, which is absolutely superb. The problem is the script, which bludgeons "take-home point" after "take-home point" instead of focusing on the people. It has a number of subplots that feel both unnecessary and strained. When it tries to wrap up all its various storylines into neat little packages by the end of the film, it just feels like it has more endings than The Lord of the Rings. The movie is enjoyable and entertaining--it's not a bad movie by any means--but I just wish it spent more time exploring the motivations and reactions of the characters instead of the intricacies of running a zoo.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1389137/