Furious 7 (2015)

4/5

Furious 7 outdoes its many predecessors in every way possible. Sometimes this mindset helps, but more often than not it hurts. Fast & Furious 6 was already the epitome of outrageous action films, so anything more extreme just feels silly. The action scenes are too over-the-top to believe, which eliminates the tension from each action scene. You are supposed to fear for someone's life, but you can't do that if they are invincible superheroes.

Maybe I'm just forgetting the previous films, but I'm a little surprised at how much objectionable content there is. The objectification of women is outrageous, filming models the same way they film shiny new cars. The Rock's use of "woman" and "sumbitch" is both derogatory and laughable.

That's not to say that this is a bad movie; in fact it's a whole lot of fun. It's pure entertainment. And Paul Walker's send-off is poignant and heart-rending. If only the movie ended on the beach instead of with the voice-over montage, it would have been immeasurably better. But it is what it is, blending humor and action and heart seamlessly, which makes it a joy to watch.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2820852/

Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

5/5

Fast & Furious 6 is a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart. It is non-stop excitement from beginning to end, perfectly paced without a single misstep. Its story continues right where Fast Five left off and never pauses for a second. It's filled with a fair number of plot twists and, partly because it sheds its underground street racing roots, it keeps you engaged until the gut-shot preview of Fast Seven. But the plot is not why you see this movie. You watch it for the way it collects all the coolest characters from the previous movies and assembles them into an Avengers-style superhero team. They team up against an especially cruel and evil villain (Evans) who has some devious tricks up his sleeve (i.e., those bad-ass "flip cars").

The action scenes are more often than not obscenely absurd, but even at their most extreme they are more intelligible than the fast-cut close-up style permeating more traditional action movies. Stunts remain more visceral experiences than CGI action, and this movie serves as the perfect example. The car chases are riveting, the fistfights are thrilling. I was honestly on the edge of my seat, heart pumping, holding my breath for two whole hours. And the movie manages all this with a levity and comedy that work (against all odds) to shape it into a well-balanced piece of entertainment. Yes, the characters are archetypes without any complexity. But their one note-ness gives them charm and focus and sympathy. I found myself so invested in the characters and what happened to them that I couldn't stop myself from jumping out of my seat and yelling yeah! in the middle of the theater. And I did not feel embarrassed at all. I never thought I'd be saying any of this about a Fast & Furious movie, but color me surprised. Fast & Furious 6 is one of the most engrossing action movies I've seen--ever--and I cannot wait to see it again.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1905041/

Fast Five (2011)

4/5

Fast Five, no matter how much better it is than the previous four films in the franchise, is a pretty silly movie. It starts with a jailbreak that is somehow perfectly orchestrated such that they are able to wedge a sports car under a moving prison transport, get the bus to roll over about ten times without killing any inmates, and then rescue Vin Diesel and take him to Rio. Diesel and his gang then proceed to rob "the most powerful gangster in all of Rio" in the most preposterous manner imaginable while The Rock tries to track him down, killing anyone and everyone in his path like he's the Hulk.

The cinematic elements are fairly standard for modern action movies: quick cuts, shiny shots, and all the explosions, chases, and fistfights you can take. The movie often hides what is going on from the viewers for no reason other than to surprise them later, and you have to try especially hard to suspend your disbelief in this movie, but the screenplay contain some clever twists, especially with respect to the heist. The dialogue, however, is laughable. Vin Diesel's performance makes the script seem even more ridiculous, as he apparently has confused yelling with acting. The Rock, who I respect much more than in his early days, is not only the best actor in the film, but the best by about ten orders of magnitude. It's a very enjoyable movie that succeeds as mindless entertainment, but don't expect anything more than that.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1596343/

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

3/5

Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a movie that is missing a lot, most notably the word "Side" in the title. It is also missing believable characters and believable dialogue. It tries to make up for it with sexy girls and 3D special effects, and it does a surprisingly good job of doing just that. The plot is, like the first two, about humans and Autobots against Decepticons, except this time it takes place in DC and Chicago. And that is the only reason I saw this movie. The Chicago scenes are amazing. It was like Source Code but reversed: I loved seeing all the buildings I was familiar with get attacked, burning to the ground with smoke wafting out the side. (I have no idea why that brings me joy.)

As for the rest of the movie, it plays like the prior two with only a modicum of improvements while retaining its numerous problems. It was still difficult to follow the robot characters and what exactly was going on in between things being blown up. The action sequences are fairly minimal and don't really keep the tension up. There is no climax and no final battle to speak of. Michael Bay tries to pull a little Forrest Gump CGI magic involving old footage of presidents, only it feels way too strained and unnatural. I thought the first half was a lot better than the second half, even though the second half has the bonus of being set in Chicago. Another positive is that the movie is hilarious, with stand-out performances by Ken Jeong, Alan Tudyk, and John Turturro. Overall, an enjoyable popcorn flick that will delight all the Chicagoans who got to see it being filmed here last year. And to everyone else: if you've seen the other two, you know exactly what you're getting into with this one.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1399103/

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

3/5

Michael Bay's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a spectacular piece of entertainment. That is to say, it's an entertaining spectacle. Because I had heard bad things from many people, I went in with lowered expectations. And those lowered expectations were far exceeded. This movie is better than the original in just about every facet. It's funnier, it's more exciting, and you can actually tell what's going on in the fight scenes. Oh, and Megan Fox was hotter. Even the dialogue and acting was surprisingly good, especially compared to the original. The parents were just as funny if not funnier and John Turturro's character was awesome instead of boring and dumb. And I absolutely loved the cameo by Rainn Wilson.

As for the rest of the movie, there's not much to say. The plot is unimportant and probably filled with holes, so I won't waste any time on it here. Suffice it to say, there are transforming robots fighting other transforming robots to save Earth and all of humanity. Unfortunately, the robots are still as ugly as before, except now they combine with each other to form bigger transforming robots, like the Power Rangers on crack. Even at 2.5 hours, it doesn't nearly feel as overlong as the first one. All in all, it'll satisfy your summer need to see crude humor, hot chicks, and explosive action, but don't expect much more than that.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1055369/