Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

2/5

Muppets Most Wanted is another sequel that seems to serve as little more than the next episode in a TV show instead of a standalone movie. Granted, I haven't seen the first one and I'm not a particular fan of the Muppets, but I thought I'd give this movie a chance. The plot is silly and simple in a kid-friendly way, but there's not a lot of thinking or humor for adults to enjoy. The songs are fine, but the overall writing and acting both felt bland and uninspired. The best thing about this movie was the random cameos (and, of course, seeing Ty Burrell and Tina Fey). I still don't understand the appeal of the Muppets, and this movie doesn't change that. I would only watch this movie if you know you already want to watch this movie.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2281587/

A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas (2011)

2/5

A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas is a very Harold & Kumar movie, it's just not a very good movie. It is, in fact, a very stupid movie. The story and the jokes feel like rehashed sloppy second versions of the first one (and probably the second one too, but I never saw it). It is just as rude, crass, and vulgar as every other stoner comedy made in the last 10 years. And it is just as funny as well--which is to say only occasionally funny. The jokes, when they do hit home, can be great. But they can be abysmal as well. The shining light in this series is Neil Patrick Harris, and he does not disappoint here. Unfortunately, he is not enough to make this a memorable movie in any sense of the word. The best I can say about Harold & Kumar is that it is mindless entertainment, with a big focus on mindless. If I were Kal Penn, I probably wouldn't have quit my day job to make this movie.

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1268799/

Halloween (2007)

1/5

Rob Zombie's remake of John Carpenter's classic Halloween flabbergasted me. Because of its utter disregard for anything that might give someone an excuse to like a movie. Everything about this movie either bored me or pissed me off. The changes Zombie made to the original story were vastly inferior; even the parts he copied were done in a much less frightening manner.

Zombie's version adds 30 minutes to the beginning that attempts to humanize, justify, or reason Michael Myers's homicidal tendencies. Zombie seems to have no idea that it is precisely Myers's lack of background that makes his evil so menacing and terrifying--his actions must always be inexplicable. Not only is Myers given a reason to start killing, the reason is quite possibly the silliest thing about this movie. He kills people because he has an ugly face and wants to hide it from the world with equally ugly masks so that people will stop making fun of him. How is that the recipe for a subhuman serial killing machine?

The rest of the movie is essentially a copy of Carpenter's creation, only crap. Myers's escape from the sanitarium is much less impressive and frightening in this film. All the shots that made you jump in the original are absent. Before, Myers would be in the shadows and dark backgrounds, but you wouldn't see him until he moved. His ubiquity was subtle, and more horrifying for it. Now it just cuts to him, or rack focuses on him; where is the horror? Additionally, the best part about the original--the music--is incredibly underused in this version. And the nudity is gratuitous and tacky in its use. Awful, awful movie.

IMDb link: http://imdb.com/title/tt0373883/

Smiley Face (2007)

2/5

Smiley Face is an awful teen stoner comedy, a complete 180 from Araki's previous project--Mysterious Skin, about child molestation and its effects--which I thought was extremely well-done and worth watching. This, on the other hand, shouldn't even be on a festival circuit, unless the festivals it's running are pot festivals and dumb comedy festivals. I don't even think the pot community would like this movie, as it paints a horrible portrait of pot users.

The movie follows Jane F as she gets high, eats a ton of pot cupcakes and gets even more high, and goes on a series of misadventures throughout the day. There are, admittedly, some funny parts where I laughed, but these parts are swallowed whole by the dumb parts. The entire movie I couldn't stop thinking, "How is this stupid movie in the Director's Fortnight?" The story itself was throwaway; nothing about the movie's plot was essential. She loses pot, so she gets her secret stash, only to flush it down the toilet when she thinks the cops are after her. The acting? I can't even separate it out into a subcategory and give it some sort of rating. It's just part of this disgusting movie. The characters, all of them, were worthless and impossible to relate to. Nobody would like anybody in this movie, as they are all portrayed in negative, biased stereotypes. I hated the editing, which relied too heavily on fades, post effects, etc. They looked cheesy and ugly to boot. The music, on the other hand, wasn't bad, but the movie relied too heavily on the music. The cinematography actually wasn't bad. The movie had a lot of small indie comedy actor cameos (like Hyde from That 70's Show, that guy in The Office, and Danny Trejo), but the characters they were always playing were worthless and had like five lines. Jeez, I hate this movie. I hope you are not the kind of person who does like this movie.

IMDb link: http://imdb.com/title/tt0780608/